The Joy of Texas

Mostly, the culture clash between Monkey and I is not too intense. We take the piss out of each other's accents fairly constantly- although he can do my norf Lundun easier than I can do is Richardson, Texas drawl, mostly because since he moved here when he was 16, his Texan accent has evened out.


But you can't take Texas out of the man. Years into living with him and knowing him better than I know anyone outside my immediate family, it still makes me smile when he calls people (including his mum and dad) 'ma'am' and 'sir'.

Texans - and he is Texan, not American - Texans are different. When he visited me in Los Angeles, he was visibly out of tune with your average Californian. I knew way more about Texan culture than my LA flatmate did, by which I mean I listen to country music without falling off the chair laughing.

So Monkey has loped off back to Richardson for a while. I turned down the chance to join him, partly because of my dire financial situation, partly because for all that I love Richardson and Dallas, once you have been once, there really has to be a good reason to go back (harsh, but a better one than Monkey's really lovely family and friends), and I've been many times.

However I admit now he is gone I am all misty-eyed for Texas.

Reasons to Love Texas

1. The Roads
Bigger roads than you knew possible. Huge. Massive. You have to take a picnic with you when you cross them.

2. The Trucks
Sure, there are pick-up trucks everywhere in America, especially in California. But something about sitting outside a roadside bar in the parking lot in a truck, drinking beer under the Texan stars (see below) puts me in my happy place.

3. The Music
I love country music. And the Lone Star State has some cracking stuff, blaring out all over the place. Sing it!

4. The Sky
I know Montana is known as the Big Sky, but as far as I'm concerned Texas has more sky than I knew existed. Sky is everywhere! EVERYWHERE!

5. Friday Night Lights

"IT'S ONLY FOOTBALL!"

(..But they like it. A lot. An awful lot.)

Once you scream this at the screen and get it off your chest, Friday Night Lights is actually not the monumental chore that, to be honest, I had it pegged as. I don't know the first thing about American football, and I don't have the smallest desire to do so. But if anyone out there wants a picture of Texas, look no further. Richardson is by no means smalltown Texas, but I think I understood Monkey's childhood more after watching it. Not least why we must have Dallas Cowboys shit everywhere. It is, and I do not say this lightly, probably the most literate, intelligent, well shot and written drama on US TV right now.

It's not only football. It's a way of life. (And also, it's not football at all because it's American football. But I'll keep that to myself.)

90210: Round, Round Like a Record Baby

I am pleasantly surprised that The CW hasn't called 90210 "The 90210". That was one of the very few good decisions made in the development of the series.

I fall between stalls on the Beverly Hills 90210 situation. When the original was on, the kids were older than I was, and to be honest the whole thing was little short of a fantasy for me. The first time I went to LA I was genuinely amazed that there really was a Beverly Hills, and even more staggared that their ZIP code was actually 90210. They were characters of epic proportions for me, well beyond the scope to imagine for a London schoolgirl. So while I liked the series a lot and watched it religiously, the characters themselves never really touched an emotional nerve for me. But now I watch 90210 and the kids are younger than me - yet having a lot more fun than I ever did, the bastards. I know plenty of people my age (only early 20s) enjoy teen dramas, but personally? I find it difficult to care too much about the revolving doors of teenage relationships. I even found that boring on Buffy, and she used to kill vampires in between those bits.

So we have a group of rich kids, undergoing the sort of adolescent dramas which we all know - from other TV shows rather from actual life. I don't know if my school was just really boring, but I swear to God we never had a Social Queen, or a sports team which ruled the world (lacrosse? Really? Did they just not pick American football because of Friday Night Lights? Is lacrosse really that big?), and even the drugs and sex such as they were, weren't all that exciting. But we didn't have mansions, boats or private jets either so perhaps that's where the difference is.

I actually like The CW. 98% of their stuff is utter shit, but at least it's not all procedurals. But it has shown almost laudable lack of imagination by commissioning 90210. Let us recap the heritage of this drama.

1. It is spawned from Beverly Hills 90210, which eventually died a horrible death after everyone who watched it outgrew it, as did the cast.

2. Meanwhile, someone at The CW's illegitimate father The WB saw Beverly Hills' demise and thought, 'why not do a Beverly Hills 90210 on the East Coast?' and hence was born Dawson's Creek, a monstrous creation which nearly ruined my young adulthood. I wish I was of the Beverly Hills generation and not someone who once thought Pacey's angsting on the pier was the height of romance.

3. Anyway, Dawson's Creek eventually and mercifully sank (though it lives on in the adorably nice-but-dull One Tree Hill), and someone at FOX pondered 'why not do a Dawson's Creek on the West Coast?' and dreamt up The OC, probably the most teeth-gnashingly conservative, dull and focus-grouped of the whole lot.

4. The OC burned itself out, its premise of having every single character maddeningly paper-thin was ambitious but ultimately flawed. So someone at The CW thought, 'why not do an OC on the East Coast?' and, against all feeling for their fellow-human beings green-lit the unforgivaebly awful Gossip Girl.

5. Gossip Girl, a symbol of the end of civilisation if ever there was one, was an actual success. But The CW has, in its panic for viewers, jumped its cue and thought 'whynotdoaGossipGirlontheWestCoast?' and finally, finally someone there had watched TV in college and realised that actually, Gossip Girl has been done on the West Coast, endlessly; decided to save on the development period and announced: why not steal the conceit of Beverly Hills 90210 and all the plot devices of the others? How could it fail? 90210, welcome to the world!

Perhaps I am just too old and jaded for these dream worlds now and that's why I'm of the opinion that they don't make 'rich teen dramas' like they used to. 90210 does buck the trend, it isn't actually anywhere near as bad as Gossip Girl or The OC, judging by the premiere. But you can see where it is going, as though the plot was lit up like a runway. It's just too familiar. It is chewing gum for the brain, a place-holder. If it is a success, it will be from nostalgia nuts. But seriously. I know there aren't any new ideas, but there are better ones. I refuse to believe that there are enough young or feeble-minded viewers to support the existence of One Tree Hill, Gossip Girl AND 90210. I really hope there aren't, anyway.

If we're bringing stuff back, why not 21 Jump Street?

Media and Film Studies: Some Thoughts

I got a call today from a friend of my mother's. Her daughter - my mother's friend's daughter, not my mother's daughter, that would be me - her daughter is off to university to do Media and Film Studies. As such a paragon of success in the television industry, did I have any advice for this fresh-faced, intelligent eighteen-year-old?

Er, yes. I did, as a matter of fact, but she wouldn't want to hear it. My advice is: don't do it.

There are many reasons why not. And as a disclaimer, I should add I did not study either media or film at university, so my understanding of such degrees comes from the outside. But crucially - that's exactly where future employers' understanding of the degrees comes from too. Also, I am writing this in my mother's living-room while watching Diagnosis: Murder, and hanging around for three weeks for my next job. So, what do I know?

The simple truth of the matter is this. When I graduated with a degree in English Literature, I didn't know one end of a Z1 from the other. I didn't have the slightest desire to ever make a film of my own. I wanted to be a writer. I ended up working on a BAFTA-winning historical series as a researcher by purest fluke. It wasn't knowing people or having any technical knowledge, it was that they needed my academic research skills and the Line Producer liked me. That was that. From there, I have had years of steady work in television. It was Luck. And if we're being brutally frank - and we should be - Luck can happen to just about anyone, whether or not you have spent £20,000 on a degree in Media and Film Studies.

Furthermore, after nearly 3 years in telly, I STILL don't really know one end of a Z1 from the other, I STILL don't want to make a film of my own and I STILL want to be a writer. This is depressing for me, to be honest, but also demonstrative of this basic fact. Below Assistant Producer level, no one really gives a shit about whether or not you can self-shoot. No one gives a damn what your ambitions are to be a director or producer. No one CARES. In fact - and I know this from several separate directors, it counts against you. It will NOT help you get a job from university. Knowledge of editing equipment will NOT help you get a job from university. From university, you will be a Runner, or if you are unbelievably lucky you will be a junior researcher. Trust me on this: you will NOT be self-shooting, directing or editing and no one will care about your opinions on the shooting, directing or editing. People hiring you will NOT care about your potential, because this is a freelance industry, so they aren't going to benefit from your trajectory over the years, and before anyone starts thinking the BBC is different, may I advise you that they don't ever move anyone up there. I know someone who was a runner there for the best part of four years.

To get a first foothold in the industry is hard, but that's because of competition and lack of jobs rather than tough entry qualifications. If you are smart, enthusiastic, willing to do shitty jobs with a smile and meet someone who likes you, you are in. All other skills you will acquire on the hoof. Unfortunately, media graduates generally have to work harder to be liked, because a lot of employers have been burned by smartasses (not typical of every media graduate, but it's the same old story -for every 10,000 perfectly nice graduates, there's 1 asshole everyone remembers). I remember one turning to me and saying: "you work deceptively hard". There's nothing deceptive about it, friend.

If you want to go into TV, find another interest and do a degree in that and come back to television. Having in-depth knowledge of a subject will always help you find work in TV. A degree in Media and Film Studies simply won't.